The problem with drugs is that even if you stopped taking it, you’re never really cured. Any time, anywhere, the problem may relapse and you may just give in to your cravings. This issue is the same for alcoholics or other addictions, such as gambling. I still crave for the drugs every now and then, never felt so good in my life. But you know the worst problems always come disguised in the most subtle way so you never realize how bad it’s eating into your life and by the time you realize the full impact, it’s too late.

Me taking drugs was supposed to be an experiment, to understand why people want to take drugs, to understand why my uncle went into prison multiple times for it. It’s so stupid and senseless thing to do, something for a moment of fun, you risk giving up the entire future. But it’s only when you take it for real, BAM, you become entangled into the dark claws of drugs. You feel so good that you can’t think logically anymore, like how I wanted to support drugs to be legal inSingapore. Basically, I was hooked and my brain worked in limited capacity during that period. I kept thinking about it and I gave in to my cravings, even though it was supposed to be an experiment.

Like an alcoholic or a smoker, once you took in the first few times, it is difficult to get out. I’m doing my best, so far so good, but anytime, it may relapse. I can’t go to prison having fight all my life to live this far. God gave me a second chance in life, I shouldn’t waste it. That’s my salvation.

Something that seems so simple, waking up early in the morning and sleeping early in the night seems so difficult for me. I’ve been sleeping whenever I felt like it, morning/afternoon/nights and waking up only when I felt like it. Given enough days, it felt like a worthless life to live. There is nothing for me to look forward to. There used to be only 1 person I wanted to live for, but he passed away many years ago. That explains why sometimes I just don’t care anymore. I do what I want.

I just hope after 5 years, I can sell the plots of land at the profit I calculated. I wanted to give my family and best mates something to retire for. That’s my secret plan. 5 years is a long time, unless my new venture works out, then everything is peachy and the time period can be reduced. I am seriously tired of working. I just want to keep launching new startups. I have so many ideas and not enough capital to proceed. The problem is that I don’t want to raise capital; it is not nice if I lose other people’s money, and then if I make lots of money for them, I felt like I lost out on something. Either way, it’s not good for me. I want to build something, for example Google, and own it 100%. And then what? It’s none of my business when I passed away. They can sell it or just let it crash, I don’t give a shit. But while I’m alive, it’s my play toy!

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